Brené Brown coined the phrase “The story I’m telling myself” in her book Daring Greatly. This concept is pivotal in understanding how our minds create and perpetuate negative stories. We all tell ourselves stories, but too often these stories are unhelpful and reinforce negative beliefs. Instead of seeking out evidence to disprove these narratives, we often look for proof that confirms them, which only deepens our distress.

Consider this scenario:

You’re in a meeting presenting material, and your boss harshly critiques your work. You walk away feeling terrible. Later, during a one-on-one, your boss is unusually curt. Instantly, your mind races, creating a story:

• “He thinks I don’t know what I am doing.”
•  “I am underperforming.”
•  “I’m not good enough.”

These thoughts can spiral, leading to self doubt and a severe decline in your confidence and amplifying your inner critic. Sound familiar? Here’s a powerful five-step framework to help you reframe these narratives:

Understand the Narrative.

Gain clarity on the story you’re telling yourself. Reflect on its origins. When have you felt this way before? Often, these narratives have deep, family-rooted origins.

Challenge Your Story

You can’t trust your own thinking!

Recognize that our thinking can be flawed. Until you become adept at reframing, assume your initial thoughts might be incorrect. Examine your thought patterns and question the validity of your story. Often, there is little evidence to support it.

Seek Evidence

Identify the real evidence. In the example above, has your boss actually criticized your performance? High performers often have the harshest inner critics. Look for evidence where you have excelled and received positive feedback.

Reframe the Narrative

Once you’ve scrutinized your stories, consider how to reframe them. If evidence shows you’ve performed well, reinterpret the situation: “My boss was having a bad day” or “He’s being hard on me because he believes in my potential.”

Seek Feedback

If you’re still uncertain, get feedback. Instead of speculating, ask for clarity. For instance, you might say, “I noticed you were particularly critical in the meeting last week. Can you provide some feedback?” This approach can eliminate much of the anxiety fueled by your own stories.

By applying this framework, you can transform negative self-talk into constructive reflections, fostering a more positive and resilient mindset.

Melanie brings a dynamic journey that blends the experience of working across many organizations in various industries with the strategic wisdom of three decades in C-level roles in Organizational Development and HR. Her mission is to ignite her clients’ leadership prowess and help them unleash their full potential. Her career has been a thrilling ride through the uncharted territories of startups to Fortune 100 organizations and the nuanced landscapes of corporate leadership. She’s worn the hats of both the entrepreneur and the executive, giving her a profound understanding of the challenges and triumphs in these worlds. She understands the urgency, agility, and innovation needed to thrive in this ecosystem.

She has coached and consulted in organizations from startups to Fortune 50 such as Village Pet, Destination Pet, City Vet, Microsoft, ServiceNow, Johnson & Johnson, Varicent, Amdocs, Cyberark, WTIA, Accenture, Brainly, Amdocs, Checkpoint, Centrical, Cedar, Tealium, Rubicon, Novinium, Airtable, and Whitepages.

If you are interested in our workshops or executive coaching, reach out info@radicalignition.com.