Do you spend time questioning if you are really competent? Do you compare yourself to others feeling less than at times? Have you ever felt that you aren’t smart enough?
Join the club! This is something I have struggled with myself in the past as a woman in senior leadership roles. Over the years, I have developed some coaching tools and changing habits to help myself and my clients.
Many highly capable executives struggle with their inner critics and at the same time they also may suffer from Impostor Syndrome, which is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Often times, we are highly capable, educated, experienced individuals, but on the inside, we question our worthiness. I have seen this effect both men and women. In times of stress, the inner critic can rear its ugly head, and it’s even harder to shut it down.
What I have learned about the inner critic through my work with my clients and understanding my own is often times we create a narrative that isn’t based on reality. In the book, Rising Strong, Dr. Brené Brown says storytelling helps us all impose order on chaos—including emotional chaos. When we feel pain, we create a narrative to help us make some sense of it. This story doesn’t have to be based on any real information. What I have found is that when we peel back the layers of the issue, we can usually get to the root of the issue – where it all started. Often, it’s based on a story from many years ago, typically family origin-rooted.
Here are three easy steps to start changing habits in shutting down your inner critic:
STEP ONE: Get to know your Inner Critic!
Understand your triggers get to know your imposter syndrome. Make friends your imposter syndrome! When is this coming up for you? Is it right after a promotion? Are you busy comparing yourself to everyone? What is the narrative (the story you are telling yourself)? When did this start for you?
Get to the root of the issue. Peel back the layers and try to really understand when it all began for you. For me, it is rooted in family origin, as it is for many of my clients. For some, it starts later. Nonetheless, figuring this piece out is helpful in moving forward.
STEP TWO: Prove it wrong!
Literally jump into the court room and play defense attorney. Discredit it! Pull out your journal and provide yourselves with examples as such. If your inner critic has been telling you that you aren’t good enough, provide some evidence as to why are good enough. If your inner critic is telling you that you can’t get the job, the promotion, the title change, whatever “IT” is, provide some evidence based on what you have accomplished in the past to prove it wrong. You can also bring in reinforcements. Friends and family can be helpful allies with this process.
STEP THREE: Discover your key strengths and talents!
Dig into your key strengths. What have been your accomplishments? Think back to times in your life when you were the happiest and specifically what you were doing during that time that made you happy. Think back to your childhood, college, and previous work roles. Our natural talents bring us joy and instill an inner strength and confidence. If you still are not clear on your strengths and talents, do your own 360 and interview your current and past colleagues, friends and family members. Assessment tools like the Strengths Finder and the DISC can be a great way to help with this as well.
Melanie is the Founder & CEO of Radical Ignition, Inc. For over two decades, Melanie has spent her career creating pathways for people to be their best and is an experienced leadership coach, people consultant and facilitator. When working with organizations, Melanie draws from her strong business background and over 20 years in senior leadership inside organizations working with executives and leaders at all levels, as well as her experience consulting across hundreds of organizations in her consulting career. You can learn more about Radical Ignition at www.radicalignition.com and reach out at info@radicalignition.com.
