Dear Younger Self,

Today is the day you are asking for your raise. You are 29. You’ve lived most of your life feeling like you aren’t enough – constantly trying to prove yourself. But today feels different. You’re feeling the weight of your accomplishments. You’re climbing the ladder, you’ve demanded your seat at the table, and now, you’re here. You’ve earned the VP title. But there’s a catch: you’re not being paid like your male peers. No comparable bonus, no matching salary. Today, you’re going to change that.

It stung earlier when you called Mom, hoping for encouragement, and she said it wasn’t a good idea to ask for such a big raise. 30% is a lot, she said. While I was furious with mom then, what I grew to understand later that is well-documented that her era was marked by substantial gender wage disparities far worse than ours, as well as societal norms that discouraged women from negotiating for higher pay. In fact, in 1963, women working full-time earned approximately 59 cents for every dollar earned by men. Also, women made up a smaller percentage of the workforce, and many were concentrated in roles traditionally considered “female jobs,” such as secretarial, teaching, and nursing positions. The pay gap was also significant, and expectations around assertiveness in negotiating pay were culturally geared toward men. She is right about one thing; it’s a bold ask. But here’s the thing—YOU ARE BOLD.

Wow! What a badass you are for not listening to her doubts or critic in your head. Instead, you walked into that room, stood your ground, and asked for what you deserved. Assertiveness has never been something you struggled with, so we can confidently call BS on that societal norm. Let me spoil the ending for you: You got that 30% raise. And guess what? You didn’t get fired, despite the little voice whispering that you might – and the seed that mom planted.

I wish I could spare you some of the discomfort and self-doubt you’re going to face between 28 and 55. I know I can’t stop it, but I can offer you some wisdom to carry with you. First and foremost, hear this: You were never less than. You were always enough. You are enough now, and you always will be.

Being a woman is not a limitation; it is a profound strength. Feeling deeply? That’s power. Vulnerability? That’s power. Emotional depth? That’s power. I know you’ll spend years trying to suppress those emotions, telling yourself it’s necessary to keep your seat at the table because men say it’s weak. Worse, you’ll convince yourself that staying stoic, hardened, and detached is what will prove your worth. But that’s a lie.

The inner critic will be loud—so loud at times you can’t shut it out or it’s stories. Imposter syndrome will creep in, telling you that you don’t belong, that you’re not smart enough, strong enough, or deserving of your success. It will urge you to hide your true self, to adapt and shrink to fit spaces that weren’t built with you in mind.  It will convince you that you must work harder, and longer, do more, take on more.  It will seduce you into believing that you must say yes to everything that comes your way – sacrificing your relationships and family at times. You’ll swing the pendulum so far to the other side, trying to be someone you’re not, just to silence those voices.

But here’s the secret: You don’t have to fight so hard to prove your worth. You already have it. What would it feel like to challenge less and feel more? What would it look like to lean into your authenticity and show up as your full self—emotions, intuition, and all?

Imagine stepping into a room and owning it, not because you’ve fought tooth and nail to belong but because you know you already do. Your authenticity is not a liability; it’s your superpower. Your ability to lead with empathy, to connect, to inspire, and to uplift others is what makes you extraordinary.

So, dear younger self, march into that office today and ask for what you deserve. Know that every uncomfortable step you take now is paving the way for the woman you’ll become—the woman writing this letter, who knows her worth and stands firmly in it.

With love and gratitude,

Your 55-Year-Old Self

Melanie is the Founder & CEO of Radical Ignition and draws on 30 years C-level executive experience and consulting experience working across a broad range of industries. She has coached hundreds of executives and teams from six continents, from startups to Fortune 50 firms and is a frequently requested speaker on topics such as resilience, change, culture, building confidence, leadership, and empowerment.  She works with leaders from brands such as Fresenius Medical Care, CVS Health, Microsoft, Johnson & Johnson, Accenture, ServiceNow, Cedar, and Airtable.