Author: Melanie Vargas

According to the World Economic Forum’s “Why you need Emotional Intelligence”, 90% of top performers are also high in emotional intelligence (EQ). On the flip side, just 20% of bottom performers are high in emotional intelligence. You can be a top performer without emotional intelligence, but the chances are slim.

We used to think that emotional intelligence was only an important factor in how we manage and lead people. While this is still true, it is equally important that individuals learn the value of EQ in their individual contributor roles.

Having worked as a human resources executive for over 20 years in technology companies, I am continually amazed at how organizations focus on the value of technical skills exclusively. While I believe those technical skills are vital, what about their behavior? Would you agree that people are hired for what they know but fired for who they are?

I have found that many organizations don’t teach their managers to hire for culture, values, or for behavior. A hiring process needs to include a technical screen, but more importantly, it needs to include behavioral-based questions, as well as questions specific to your organizational culture.

Many engineers struggle with their interpersonal skills and it affects their productivity in meetings and communication with co-workers. Unfortunately, no one has the luxury of sitting at desk creating things without interacting with others. We all have to work together. In all of the many years I have worked with the most brilliant engineers, I have heard many times “Yes, I know he blows up in meetings, behaves inappropriately, but we can’t fire him because of our deliverables.” What cost does this have on our organizations in terms of engagement and productivity?

In addition, colleges and universities need train their students on soft skills in engineering-focused degree programs. Many new grad engineers enter the workplace and struggle to be successful based on their lack of soft skills. We need to equip engineering students with self-awareness, so that they can learn to be adaptable to working with others. Even engineers have to “sell” and “influence” others on their ideas.

Google engineer Chade-Meng Tan developed a course inside Google, Search Inside Yourself, that teaches engineers EQ, and the framework was developed around the five components of leadership skills: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Fast Company says that “The course focuses on what’s happening in the brain when you’re having certain thoughts and feelings, and encourages reflection rather than reaction.”

The mitigation for this and my hope for the future is that we help engineers grow and expand with soft skill development and enhance their EQ. EQ is a balance between the rational and emotional brain, and one has the ability to increase your EQ just as you can hone hard skillsets.

Here and Now

We are living in a world of fear and uncertainty making many of us incapable of living in the moment.

I’ve been thinking about where the silver linings are in all of this, as this approach has helped me face my own struggles in life. I also encourage my family to use this approach when they are facing adversity.

Human Reboot

Is it possible that we might have needed a little reboot? Haven’t we been a little self-absorbed lately? I have to admit that I have been guilty of jumping out of bed in the morning to check social media and then read my email even before greeting my family. I have been a little off track. I have spent a lot of time focused on “me, myself, and I”.

When you turn on the news, you see the devastation of it all. It is easy to get caught up in the panic – rushing to the grocery story with the rest of the crowds. Believe me, no one is feeling fear more than me – I’m launching a business in the midst of all of this insanity.

What about us? The world? Where is the “we” in all of this?

Where are the silver linings?

I decided to stop in the middle of this and pay attention to the here and now. What is happening right now. I’ve seen families sharing COVID plans on FB that include daily routines for their families with exercise, creativity time, and academic plans. I have seen whole families on bike rides early in the day during the work week. I have seen families out on walks with their teenagers. Teenagers that are typically upstairs locked in the rooms, with their faces stuck on the phones in Snap Chat. Is it possible part of this might be bringing us closer? Could it be forcing us to pay attention to what really matters?

So what is the silver lining? Maybe we could love a little deeper. Maybe we could appreciate the ones we love. Maybe we will stop caring just a little about getting more stuff and making more money. The truth is that we don’t take all of this “stuff” with us at the end of it all. Maybe we will put down our phones, turn off the TV, play some cards or take a walk with our loved ones, because they are the ones who really matter.

How to stay positive in a time of uncertainty

One of the best ways to stay positive is to stay away from the negativity. Trust me – I’ve got my COVID trackers up every day, but I have decided to limit myself to one hour a day of research and media exposure. Limiting social media can also help. There is a tremendous amount of gloom and doom out there (also a lot of misinformation). You want to stay informed but limit how much you are doing this.

Having a daily routine outside of work that includes mindfulness practices, outdoor exercise, family time and creativity time can also really help. Having structure can really help when you are home bound with your family.
What can you do to pay attention to what is happening right now? Stay in the moment. There is enough. I have enough. I am enough. You have exactly what you need right now. Don’t be afraid.

Be here now.

Why I Love Transition Coaching

After 25 years of a thriving HR career, I made the decision in 2018 to attend the prestigious Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara to pursue my executive coaching credentials. I began the rigorous year-long program in January 2019. While I knew it was going to be a huge commitment much like a Master’s program, I thought it was the right time in my life.

I would be turning 50 and my kids were getting older with my daughter heading into high school. What I didn’t know then, was that my life would fall apart in the middle of the program.

Talk about being close to your work.

Hudson requires 50 hours of coaching clients during the year-long program. But while I was coaching alongside so many clients going through their own transitions, I found myself smack dab in the middle of my own transition. And I was blindsided by most of it.

My father suddenly passed away. And as an avid runner and gym rat, my health took a turn. In addition, while I was dealing with the grief of losing my dad, I was feeling discontent in my career. Not sure where I wanted to go next, I felt utterly stuck. I knew I wanted to make a change but I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go. I was trapped and tired.

As described in Fredrick Hudson’s The Adult Years, I was in the Doldrums (Hudson 1999). I knew I wanted something more.

Shedding old skins.

Thankfully, the Hudson Institute also requires that you engage with a coach throughout the program. I began a deep exploration and transformation with my coach’s help and learned so much from my own coaching clients. Transition is “an era of instability, shedding, and new discovery” (Hudson 1999), and that’s exactly what I did.

Working with my coach, I found my inspired future.

It was through this transition that I experienced an amazing transformation. I was awakened to change.

I realigned some goals around my health and crafted a better focus on my family. I was able to leave my job, take some time off over the summer while finishing Hudson, and launch a new business over the fall. In this, by coaching clients through transitions, I found a new joy.

But what exactly does this look like?

These are some of my favorite coaching questions for people in transition:

1. What do you want? What inspires you/brings you energy?
2. How would it make you feel if you had it?
3. What are you afraid of? What is getting in the way?
4. What are the strengths and talents that you love using? (this often requires some digging)
5. What have you tried so far?

 

I love exploring with my clients what the possibilities might be and what might be getting in the way of them reaching their goals– a gap analysis of a life journey.

When I started Hudson, I never dreamed that I would leave my job and start my own business and that I would be living my dream. But the possibilities are limitless. There is joy on the other side, I can confirm. And we learn about how to get better in the process. How can you lean in and find your joy on the other side?